shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
