Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
