i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
