dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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