A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
