no, he came in my armpit
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
