the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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