I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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