Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
