I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
