omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize