On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
