i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You don't make any sense
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