it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
