Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
