she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
