my phone needs a breathalizer
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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