I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I am midnight drunk by noon
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
