I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
