Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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