If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
