Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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