so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
