Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I lost the right to judge tonight
I think pants incapable of making pants work
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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