was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
