I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
