It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
