so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
