He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
