there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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