I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
