Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Randomize
