..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
