Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
And then my night got REAL pukey
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
