we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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