sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
