im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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