it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
