Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
