How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
