I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
