i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
