I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
