all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
