Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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