Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
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