I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
