I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
