FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
