alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
