he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
My liver just had a heart attack.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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