eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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