Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He passed out mid-signature
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Randomize
