matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
