No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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