What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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