did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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