tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
