Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
