he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Naked Twister starts at high noon
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
