He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
