Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
