I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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