I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
