she was so not down for the gang bang
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
