I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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