"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
