Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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